Change: the good, the bad and the ugly!

Heraclitis said, “The only constant is life is change.”  As much as we understand the truth of this observation, if you are anything like me, you might find yourself fighting against the inevitable.  It begs the question of whether change itself is the problem or if it is our relationship to it.

Many of us think change is hard and it certainly can seem that way.  What if we could take a step back and look at the reasons we think change is hard?  Stephen Covey observed, "People can't live with change if there's not a changeless core inside them. The key to the ability to change is a changeless sense of who you are, what you are about and what you value."  The idea here is that if our sense of who we are is based in something outside of us, then, yes, we will resist change more vehemently than someone who has a strong sense of self.

Here’s the great news, we can work toward developing a stronger sense of self.  It comes from our willingness to get to know ourselves better.  Understanding our values and living in alignment with them is a great place to start.

So, how do we do that?  Well, first off, we need to define as clearly as possible, what our most deeply held values are.  Those qualities would make us the best versions of ourselves possible.   There are lots of them: honesty, loyalty, fairness, dependability, compassion, generosity, determination, enthusiasm and thoughtfulness to name a few. 

After you have started you list, pick just one to get going with.  As an example, let’s work with dependability.

Take some time to consider what the qualities of someone who is dependable are.  It might be doing be following through.  It might be having someone’s back.  It might be keeping promises.  This list will continue to evolve with time.

Once you have an understanding of what someone who is dependable does and how they behave, you can begin to look for consistencies and inconsistencies in your own way of acting.  For example, do you keep your promises?  Look at, not only the promises you make to others in your life, but the ones you make to yourself.  Do you follow through on those promises to take better care of yourself with regular movement, healthier eating and nourishing rest?  Can you depend on yourself for yourself?

The process here is to not only say that you value something, but to actually live it in all the roles you play in your life.  Actually, we probably would never have to tell someone what we value if what we value is demonstrated in every action we take.  This is the basis of the changeless core.

In my humble opinion, the reason change is hard is because CHANGING US can be challenging.  The good news, it is absolutely under our control!